In exactly a week, I'll be on a plane to Sydney, leaving my husband and fur babies to take an eight-month gig as deputy editor at Women's Health Australia. And I don't know how to feel about it (correction: I know exactly how to feel about the job, which is this: SQUEE! Just not so much the leaving of husband and animals). When I was first approached about the job, I said no, mainly because I have a life here in L.A. that I like. Even though I said yes down the track, that part hasn't changed. I like L.A. I've worked hard to create a life here that feels like the one I should be living. It took a hell of a long time to stop pining for Sydney and having FOMO over things friends were doing back home and get comfortable (financially and psychologically) with a freelance career. We had just said that we were committed to stay, all things going to plan, through 2015. We had plans for L.A., dammit, and I really like plans. And almost as soon as I get to that point of acceptance--and genuine love for being in the city--I make the decision to head home, albeit temporarily. And I'm really excited about it, while also feeling torn about leaving. Is there something wrong with me? Do happiness and contentment bore me? Or was it just too good an opportunity to turn down? It's mostly the latter, but I'm sure there's some other stuff going on, too.
Everyone keeps asking me whether I'll stay in Sydney after the eight months is up. I honestly don't know, but the thought of being done with L.A. in a week is a scary one. I don't feel done. I feel like there's so much more to see and do and achieve here. I wonder how the next eight months will make me feel about the two cities that I straddle; whether I'll realise that Sydney is really where I want to be, or it's not quite what I have built it up in my mind. I've spent two and a half years missing Sydney and I can't wait to be back in that beautiful city and see all the people I've been dying to see. But now, now I'm already missing L.A. Dumb things, like the ability to get amazing matzo ball soup (Canter's) and the flavoured mineral water I'm obsessed with, La Croix, and all that goddamn glorious sunshine. I hope it's because both cities are genuinely awesome, not because I enjoy being a miserable bitch. And yes, before someone helpfully points it out to me, I realise this is a good problem to have. I feel so lucky that someone really wanted me to come and work for them, and in a place that I love. And I know that I'm lucky to have a relationship that is strong enough to survive eight months of being apart (at least, I really hope it is!).
A friend told me that it doesn't have to be Sydney or L.A., it can be Sydney and L.A. I don't really know what that means, but it made me feel better. I think it means I don't have to choose, at least for now. But good lord, am I going to miss waking up to this every morning.